Someone more, who can guide our journey to a place we ourselves could never go; a place called Sanity.
-The Journey to Wholeness
A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem
The LORD:
Is the source of my help
Is creator of heaven and earth
Prevents me from stumbling
Watches over me without sleeping
Stands beside me as a protective shade
Keeps me from all harm
Watches over my life
Keeps watch over me as I come and go
Watches over me now and forever
God asks: “Do you believe I am powerful enough to act in this situation?”
What’s your answer?
Friend, there will never be a friend
As dear to me as You
There will be another closer than a brother
Friend, always worth the wait
Faithful as the day You say we are friend
Oh…
You know all about me
The good and the bad
The moment I rise and fall
You see my beginning
You stand at the end
And yet You remain faithful to say I’m your friend
You know all about me
The good and the bad
You know when I rise and fall
You see my beginning
You stand at the end
And yet You remain faithful to say I’m your friend
Every time You call
I receive Your healing
Every time You call me friend
Decided to try a more personal post today. I think it’s actually more uplifting to others and to me to actually share some personal insights rather than simply repost pictures and put up Bible studies.
Since I’ve come to Seminary, I realize that i really don’t know myself. I don’t know who I am really, what I am about, or how to truly express myself. It’s really been a strange experience, but God, as usual, provides. He never wants His children to remain in the dark.
First of all, I realized that I have no idea how to tell when God is leading me in a certain direction. I have been so scarred by times in the past where I seek God about a tough choice, and once I choose, all hell breaks loose. Then I get mad at God for allowing me to take that route and becoming so hurt. That alone has stunted my spiritual growth for almost 3 years. 3 years!
This also extended into my relationships. I was SURE God was leading me towards a certain person. I was pursuing her, and we barely had conversations, never mind a friendship. Nothing was wrong with her, but I was totally being stonewalled. I met someone, and then I was so messed up because I developed feelings for her, but I was sure God was leading me to this first girl. I spent months with internal conflict, praying, having deep probing conversations about it, going to counseling, and I still felt like a hot mess. Then it finally dawned on me: the reason I was going nuts was because I made a decision for God that He could only move in one certain way. I didn’t just put God in a box, I put Him in a jewelry box. It was nice and cushy inside, but boy was He cramped!
I decided to pray. I read and meditated on huge lists of Bible texts about choosing a mate, what to look for, and what God expects. I read Letters to Young Lovers cover to cover, highlighting and meditating as I went. I did this on my own, and God gave me a surprising answer. He didn’t speak to me like when I was praying for which college to go to the first time. This time He spoke through the Bible, books, and wise mentors. This time I couldn’t rely on an ethereal divine encounter. The still small voice spoke to me repeatedly through many avenues. Excited that I found my answer, I went home, ready to talk to my parents and get some wise advice and support.
I didn’t. Feeling that I was girl crazy, vacillating, never sticking to my guns, my Mom made it clear that she did not support this change. She felt that God led me to the first girl and that my head was clearly not in the right place. She didn’t talk to me for two days. In the end, she explained her rationale, but something still wasn’t right in my mind. What is God doing? Is He wrong? Am I wrong? Once again I was upset, feeling that God had misled me at some point or another.
My birthday came. I turned 24, and at first I felt unhappy. I felt that I was not being treated like a 24 year old or allowed to make decisions like a mature young adult. The message was coming to me; I lived too much for people’s approval, and it was causing me not to stand up and follow God’s leading. My fear of being disliked or seen as a bad child outweighed my willingness to suffer for God. If I can’t trust God and take some heat over a girl, what would I do in the face of actual persecution?? I was in a bad way.
However, I decided to worship God for my birthday. I decided to have joy, and focus on the attributed of God. When I cracked open a psalm, I looked at what it said about God. I would write out, “God is…, God is… God is….” and all of a sudden, my issues, my angst, my deep unacknowledged hurt was all refocused to be the tiny things they are in perspective of God’s greatness. I listened to Israel and New Breed, meditating on the lyrics that God wanted to take me to another level. How He is Lord of the breakthrough. I finally knew what a breakthrough was! I talked to God, and claimed victory in Jesus over the unhealthy status quo. I was starting to seek God again, and I was beginning to understand Him speaking to me.
That’s it for now. I hope this blessed you more than it has blessed me. It’s tough, but God has some breakthroughs out there for His children. You are one. He has one. Don’t lose hope.
The Lord is my shepherd. No matter what.
He lets me rest. No matter what.
He leads me. No matter what.
He renews me. No matter what.
He guides me. No matter what.
He is close beside me even through the darkest valley. No matter what.
He comforts me with His guidance and correction. No matter what.
He prepares a feast for me. No matter what.
He anoints me. No matter what.
I will dwell in His house forever. No matter what.
The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me, feeds me, and protects me.
He lets me rest. He looks out for my well-being and mental health.
He leads me. He provides me with much desired guidance and structure.
He renews me. He repairs me from hurts, scars, traumas, and character flaws.
He guides me. He not only tells or shows me where to go, He walks alongside me.
He is close beside me even through the darkest valley. He never leaves me alone to face danger.
He comforts me with His guidance and correction. He chastens me because He loves me.
He prepares a feast for me. He feeds me and shows me favour in the sight of those who hate me.
He anoints me. He gives me His Spirit and charges me to answer His calling.
I will dwell in His house forever. His character is so loving and inviting, I can’t help but want nothing else except to be near Him all the time, forever!
The Lord is my shepherd. He lets me rest. He leads me. He renews me. He guides me. He is close beside me even through the darkest valley. He comforts me with His guidance and correction. He prepares a feast for me. He anoints me. I will dwell in His house forever.
Matthew 28:20
